As a result of social distance, you may be feeling off balance right now, maybe even reeling emotionally and physically. It’s not just because of fear of this worldwide pandemic.
The authors of A General Theory of Love provide us with a way of understanding how we are feeling right now. We have a deep evolutionary need to be in physical proximity to each other. As I have mentioned in an earlier blog the part of our brain that houses our emotional hardware, the limbic system, is on something of an open loop. It connects to the limbic systems of other people and even other mammals, like dogs and cats. It’s almost like a Wi-Fi connection between our brains, receiving and sending data. When we connect with people on a regular basis, like at work, home, or a faith community, we establish what they refer to as limbic resonance, “a symphony of mutual exchange and internal adaption whereby two mammals become attuned to each other’s inner states. It is limbic resonance that makes looking into the face of another emotionally responsive creature a multi-layered experience.”[1] We learn this primarily through our early relationship with our parents, particularly our mothers.
But they take it a step further. Through limbic resonance, something the authors call limbic regulation happens. “Our neural architecture places relationships at the crux of our lives, where, blazing and warm, they have the power to stabilize. When people are hurting and out of balance, they turn to regulating affiliations: groups, clubs, pets, marriages, friendships, masseuses, chiropractors, the Internet. All carry at least the potential for emotional connection. Together, those bonds do more good than all the psychotherapists on the planet.”[2] A person’s very biology impacts others and is impacted by another’s where a limbic resonance is firmly established.
Right now, though, many of you are missing people in your life that, without even knowing it, were regulating your biological and emotional state–church friends, workout buddies, supportive coworkers, and especially older friends and family members who have been in limbic resonance with. Phone calls help. Video is probably better. But nothing can really replace the biological and emotional effects of physical closeness. Frankly, our furry mammalian friends are probably keeping some of us from going off the deep end. Keep them close! They are probably loving it right now.
If you are married or living with a partner or a buddy, you have a great gift right now. However, no one person can live up to your total needs. In fact, you are probably feeling the strain of trying to be that for each other right now. And if you have kiddos, then they may be taking more than they are giving. We do not have the level of limbic regulation to which we have become accustomed and we are feeling it.
It is a great time to attune your attention to God. While God doesn’t have a physical limbic system like we do, the Bible tells us that he is present with us. And if God is present, then God can serve as a limbic regulator for you in a very real and powerful way. The writer of the Biblical passage Psalm 139, speaks of the ever present nearness of God.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away.
You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely.
You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.
If you will recognize God’s presence through simply believing, he will begin to regulate your bio rhythms and your sense of well-being. God’s Wi-Fi signal is available and strong, high and low, near and far. He is there even in our darkest, most isolated moments. God loves you like the most wonderful mother that ever existed, tucking you in for bedtime.
Be at peace, know that you are greatly loved, and trust that God is right by your side.
[1] Lewis, Thomas, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon, A General Theory of Love
New York City: Vintage Anchor Publishing, 2000. 63
[2] Lewis, 170-171
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